Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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