My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
