During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
