Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
