White coat. Heels.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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