so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How external is "for external use only"?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
