I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
