he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
