we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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