this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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