Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
