just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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