so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
