I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
