new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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