My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
