so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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