"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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