that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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