My room smells like vodka and shame
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
