I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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