now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
