oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
