i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I had to cum in my sink.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
