if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
