i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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