I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
