she was so not down for the gang bang
People in love make me want to vomit
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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