I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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