Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
