Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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