we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
