Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
