...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
