so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
