I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
