theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
