Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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