He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
