Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
