i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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