just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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