tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
