O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
