I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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