K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
