well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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