I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
try to milk me bitch
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