So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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