At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
