I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
