I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
