I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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