Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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