how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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